Yeah dude, you caught me. 

I did not expect you home for a while. But don’t worry about it, there’s no reason for either of us to be embarrassed, after all we both know that we jerk off. Every guy we know masturbates. No big deal. In fact, maybe you can “give me a hand”. I am getting tired of stroking myself, why don’t you come over here and join me. Nah, I won’t tell anyone, it’s just between us……No Homo. Tell you what, why don’t you just take a big whiff from this bottle, to help you relax, then I can show you how to best “help me out”.